Why – And How – Men Can Help Executive Women

Written By: Lisa Lambert, UPWARD CEO & Founder

A man walks into a bar, and things start to get better for executive women.

That’s what happened last month as we launched our first UPWARD Men chapter in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Gathered at the Opal Event Center in Mountain View, in a bar owned by a woman, were our chapter leaders, myself, and an audience of 100 people.

As well as one special guest.

Dr. Brad Johnson is a distinguished academic in the field of psychology. He is a professor at the U.S. Naval Academy and a faculty associate at Johns Hopkins University. Most important for UPWARD, he studies mentorship. His latest book, Athena Rising, focuses on how and why men need to mentor the women in their organizations.

Brad’s work validates the decision to launch UPWARD Men. As I wrote in a previous post, we face two realities: UPWARD is growing rapidly – 6,000 members, 16 chapters, and 75-100 events a year worldwide with zero marketing – but we need greater access to the informal networks that help men progress.

Everyone wins when women advance – and as Brad explained, men can, and should, play a key role.

Data: More Women Make Things Better

There is a clear business case for sponsoring women.

“When you have real gender integration, up into the C-suite, we all make more money and teams make better decisions,” said Brad. The data also show this integration means that women get more raises, advance faster, and stay in organizations longer – not because men are better mentors but because they have more influence and power to help women succeed, he said.

There is a pipeline of women looking for that kind of mentorship; the problem is it starts leaking early in their careers because they don’t have access to the promotional networks that men enjoy. That outcome can change, said Brad, but his research shows men have to get involved.

“The salient predictive indicator on achieving gender diversity is whether people saw men as involved.”

If you’re a man, here are three ways to do so.

Start At Home

 You can’t be an ally in the workplace if you’re not sharing at home, especially if you have a working partner. Women spend 2.2 hours a day doing domestic work while men spend 1.4, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

“We’re not pulling our weight,” Brad said.

We aren’t doing our kids any favors, either. A key predictor for girls and young female adults in limiting their career aspirations is whether they saw their fathers engage as a full partner at home. Sons are watching, too. How do we expect them to see women as equal partners if they don’t grow up with that example?

Get Better At Work

There are great ways to be an ally for women at work – but remember a few things.

First, you’re not a guru. Women want wisdom, not a worship experience. Second, you’re not a fixer. Just because something looks like a nail doesn’t mean it needs your hammer.

What women really want is a listener and a collaborator. How do you kickstart that process? Start by showing interest. “I see you’re focused on reducing our shipping delays – that’s just the kind of thinking we need. If I can ever help, drop by my office.” In that one conversation, you’ve affirmed her performance and put the ball in her court for a future meeting.

Another way comes from JP Morgan and is called the 30/5/1 approach. Every week, invite a woman for a 30-minute coffee to ask about her career aspirations, spend five minutes congratulating a woman on a big win, and take 1 minute to tell fellow employees about a woman doing great work.

Decide To Play Watchdog…And Umpire

Women need working male allies who call out the things that undermine their success. That doesn’t always mean confrontation: sometimes is just means being a watchdog.

Consider a simple meeting. Who is assigned to take notes? Or get coffee? Stepping in to break a gender stereotype can be immensely helpful. As a meeting progresses, make sure a female colleague is in the room if it’s her project or client being discussed. Remind your colleagues that she’s the subject-matter expert and you’ll all benefit by hearing from her directly.

Also make it a point to talk about a great female leader when she’s not around. You know her strengths and have the social capital to make sure others notice. And if you have a high-potential woman on your team, think about bumping up her responsibilities – even if she hasn’t asked.

“If she comes to you and says I think I’m ready for the next stretch assignment, you’ve probably waited too long,” said Brad.

From time to time, women do need an umpire: a male colleague who can throw a flag on another man’s behavior. Sometimes it’s a gentle nudge, like asking a man who repeats an idea first voiced by a woman how his idea is different than her original thought.

But certain behaviors that call for immediate action. These are the hardest, according to Brad, because of what’s called bystander paralysis. We freeze, knowing something bad happened, but not sure what to do. It’s why he recommends uttering a simple word to get the ball rolling.

Ouch.

That one word breaks the conversation flow and gives you a moment to voice an objection. Ouch – Dave, that’s an unfair stereotype. Ouch – Shukreet, that joke is not OK. Ouch – Simon, that’s not what we do in this company.

In Praise Of Men’s Work

There is a long trail of gender inequality in the workplace – and a long road ahead to rebalance the scales. It’s why I believe passionately in the power of male allies and the work of UPWARD Men. I’m particularly grateful for the board members of the Bay Area Chapter – Ed Dee of Compass, Jeremy Kranz of GIC, Ross Malinowski of Ross Search & Consulting, Caedman Oakley of Castlight Health, and Johnny Velasquez, Jr. of Teledata – who are making this work possible.

“If men don’t lean in, women are going to fall through the cracks,” said Brad.

Here’s to all those who help stop that from happening.

In addition to founding UPWARD, I am the Chief Technology and Innovation Officer of National Grid, a multinational electricity and gas utility company and the Founder and President of National Grid Partners, the innovation and investment arm for National Grid.  I also sit on the NVCA Board of Directors.  I was a Managing Partner at the Westly Group, responsible for investments in software, energy, and IoT and a Vice President at Intel Capital and the Managing Director of Intel Capital’s Software and Services Group and the Intel Capital Diversity Fund.